4.5

Review for Rocks

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  3. Beautifully descriptive

Great start, what you have here feels like the beginnings of a vast and complex narrative. Although I am not totally sure what world this story takes place in as of yet based on my limited exposure to the narrative, I can see that you have a strong grasp of your world visually.
There is a lot of exposition and inner monologue where it feels as though you are telling. It would benefit the pacing if you could find ways to provide exposition and character motivations more organically.
Speaking of organic, one of the places where you shine was in your characters’ dialogue. The only problem I could see is there are a few instances where the punctuation before some of your dialogue tags was incorrect. This may very well be an oversight and is easily fixable along with a few other typos, missing or unnecessary punctuation, and tense shifts. There are a few redundancies that may or may not be stylistic. For example, you wrote, “Surrounded on all sides” you can easily omit the “on all sides” as the word surrounded is already an indication of the latter part of the sentence.
Excellent job! This feels as though it is leading to a large-scale adventure and it is clear that you have a lot of world planning done. I do have a few questions that I will bring up in the meeting.

Premise 4.0
Authenticity 5.0
Characters 5.0
Dialogue 5.0
Details 5.0
Pacing 3.0
Theme 5.0
Clarity 4.5
Word Choice 4.0
Grammar 4.0
Spelling 5.0
Dread Factor 5.0
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