4.6

Review for I Am Not My Own

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  3. Great Start!

I am very interested in seeing where this story is going. If I am not mistaken about the trajectory of events, then what you have here feels like it’s setting up a very specific narrative that is reminiscent of Stephen King’s “The Girl who Loved Tom Gordon.” (If you have not read this book I highly recommend it.) However, I do feel that the narrative flow is a bit slowed down by the exposition. I understand that you are trying to give us some background, but I feel like some of the exposition could be sprinkled about the story to help the information flow more naturally. For instance, a good place to move the exposition about the stuffed animal is somewhere around the part where she first sees the injured rabbit in the forest. This is where you can get into that. Use it as a way to naturally spark that memory.

At the beginning of the story, you sort of hop from Emma’s learning of her mother’s death to a camping trip that seemingly comes up out of nowhere. Although it seems that perhaps the camping trip is where you meant to start the story, you started it with the death of the mother. I think it would be a good start but there has to be some stop between the mother’s death and the camping trip. I can see that this story is being told from the perspective of a young girl, and it definitely sounds like a child telling a story, but I am not totally sure how I feel about the sentence structures.
This is a great start that would benefit from some polish and restructuring. I am intrigued with your premise and excited to see what comes next.

Pros

Intriguing story premise.

Cons

Exposition that slows the pacing.

Premise 5.0
Authenticity 5.0
Characters 5.0
Dialogue 5.0
Details 4.5
Pacing 3.5
Theme 5.0
Clarity 4.5
Word Choice 4.5
Grammar 4.0
Spelling 4.0
Dread Factor 5.0
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