3.5
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* I would like to see the stakes for Annalise laid out – why do we care about her? You start to build that with the toxic relationship between her and Maddison, but I’d like to be pulled in more. I need to be invested in her survival. Why are we rooting for her? I also would like to see the story end with a focus on Annalise, since it started with her.

* I think you’ve got too many characters for the story’s length. The promise you make the reader at the start is that it will be a story about Annalise and Maddison. I didn’t really feel like the addition of the characters helped the plot. Zombie stories are hard to do well, but if you keep it focused on Annalise and Maddison and their relationship + dread as their scenes progress, I think you can make this one shine.

Pros

* like the promise the opening scene creates for the story

Cons

* too many characters, slows the story down * narrator shifts around even in the Maddison/Annalise scenes.

Premise 2.5
Authenticity 3.0
Characters 3.5
Dialogue 3.5
Details 4.0
Pacing 2.5
Theme 3.0
Clarity 3.5
Word Choice 4.0
Grammar 5.0
Spelling 5.0
Dread Factor 3.0
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