4.2
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  3. Could be a very interesting spin on Zombie stuff, with some changes

Hey there!

So, to bounce off of Jason a little, zombie stuff is hard to sell–and I know you don’t use the z word, but I think it’s fair to say that this fits into the same general genre as 28 Days Later or stuff of that ilk. It’s pretty saturated out there. But I like that you’re trying it from a new angle, and I think it works. Mostly.
I agree that you’re either better off cutting the cast down and focusing in, or expanding wildly to compensate. Here’s what I was struck with primarily, though: your angle, your unique take, is to tie zombie horror to the pandemic and modern influencer culture. Why not lean far, far harder into that? Wouldn’t it be interesting to tell a horror story where the victims all WANT to be victimized because their internet icon is doing it?
I also wanted to know why you chose to turn Annalise when it seemed like she was set up to be your voice of reason/protagonist. I like feeling like any character could get picked off, but she seemed thematically protected up until the moment it happened. Also, I would consider how you can create internal logic for the wait time between infection and symptoms. For Maddison to take such a considerable time compared to the others stuck out a little to me.

Pros

Well paced and very readable, with good description and details Halfway to approaching a saturated genre with something new to say

Cons

Characters are too broad and there are too many of them for the length of the story Some minor inconsistencies in internal logic

Premise 4.0
Authenticity 3.5
Characters 2.5
Dialogue 4.0
Details 4.5
Pacing 5.0
Theme 4.5
Clarity 5.0
Word Choice 4.0
Grammar 5.0
Spelling 5.0
Dread Factor 3.0
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