3.7
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  3. A premise that deserves unique characters.

Hey Dede! This story was very fast-paced, as any good zombie/infected story should be. I don’t object to the premise, as these types of stories require the “chaos/injury/infect” framework. However, for stories with a formulaic foundation to truly stand out, the characters have to be three-dimensional people the audience can root for.

It seems like you didn’t really know your characters well, and you lacked a connection to them. Given a lot more words, they could grow and evolve over the course of the story, but I think with short fiction, you’re better off c focusing on one or two characters, rather than a larger cast. That gives you room to show transformation.

If I were you, I’d take this story one of two ways:
1.) expand it into a novella, with a greater focus on character development, or
2.) keep it short, but reduce the cast significantly and focus on them.

Regardless of the option, I’d concentrate on Annalise and Maddison. (I desperately wanted Annalise to beat the hell out of her.)

Pros

Exceptional pacing. Clear actions.

Cons

Characters require more depth. A clear theme would benefit this story tremendously.

Premise 4.0
Authenticity 3.5
Characters 3.0
Dialogue 2.5
Details 3.0
Pacing 5.0
Theme 3.0
Clarity 5.0
Word Choice 3.0
Grammar 3.5
Spelling 5.0
Dread Factor 4.0
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